He is risen

Yesterday was Easter. I celebrate it out of a sense of tradition but I have mixed emotions about Christianity. And I am just plain scared of Jesus' fervent worshipers.

As we drove to a relative's house yesterday for Easter dinner. I saw a hand painted sign on a sheet hanging from an overpass that said, "He is risen".

I don't get it. Did someone take a good sheet from their closet to create this? Did they say to someone last week, "Hey thanks for the invite but I'll have to take a rain check because I'm making this great sheet painting for our local overpass." ?

After passing the sign it made me think to pray. So, I uttered a short prayer to myself that I saw once on a T-shirt. "Jesus please save me from your followers. Amen."

Going Halfsies on Change

Not sure how I’m feeling about America’s future today. I’m kind of stuck in the middle between glass half empty and half full.

Half full:
I have become convinced that everything we think and feel is merely perception: that our lives – individually as well as communally – are molded around such perception: and that if we want to change, we must alter our perception. When we give our energy to a different dream, the world is transformed. To create a new world, we must first create a new dream. - John Perkins

Half empty:
Things to Know About the Future:
It doesn’t have to look any particular way, but around here, if it doesn’t, a lot of people will never speak to you again. -Brian Andreas


From which glass do I drink? The brew in the half empty glass is the easier one because I don’t have to do anything; I can just blame others if the future sucks. And I don’t even know if I’m worthy to drink from the “let’s change the dream” chalice.

Well, no matter from which glass I drink, I’m lucky because at least I know where my glass is.

Celebrate 9 to 5

On April 7, 2009 9 to 5 The Musical will open on Broadway. Starring Allison Janney, Music and Lyrics by Dolly Parton.

The story 9 to 5 is still relevant today even though the movie came out nearly 30 years ago. If you are a young woman joining the work force now you'll still run into men like Franklin Hart who are sexist, egotistical, lying, hypocritical bigots. And if you are already a woman in the workforce you've probably already met ten Franklin Harts.

President Obama said in his inaugural speech, "some celebrated but more often men and women obscure in their labor, who have carried us up the long, rugged path towards prosperity and freedom."

What's great about 9 to 5 is that it celebrates those obscure women in the workforce who care about not only themselves but others with whom they work. Their efforts definitely lead us toward prosperity and freedom. I'd love to see more movies celebrate this type of woman.

Jesserella - a parable

Jesse just turned sixteen and goes to my niece's school. On her birthday she wore a t-shirt with Jesserella printed across the front of it, and very confidently (as a princess would) asked the kids in the lunch room, “Can I get in front of you? Today is my 16th birthday!” However, she was denied because the kids find her obnoxious.

Unlike a very similar story, Cinderella; Jesserella got to go to the ball on the first shot. She and her parents planned the Jesserella Ball together and invited one-hundred classmates. But because her obnoxiousness was known throughout the land - only eighteen of her classmates came to the ball.

Oh my skin crawled when I heard this tale. Thoughts of awkward teenage movies raced through my head: Muriel's Wedding, Mean Girls and of course Carrie. But what I thought of most was part of Tina Fey's 2008 Emmy acceptance speech. She thanked her parents for, “raising me to have confidence that is disproportionate with my looks and abilities.”

I don't know where Jesserella is today but I have a feeling she's still wearing her t-shirt and trying to get to the head of the line.

My Brother Paul

My brother Paul died March 10, 2009 of Adrenomyeloneuropathy (AMN), he was 54 years old. AMN is an incurable, x-chromosome linked disease that attacks the nervous system. This photo is from December when I went to NJ to visit him in his assisted living facility. He could no longer walk nor feed himself because his brain could not tell his muscles to move.

It was a long painful journey for him, and for those who watched helplessly as he suffered. I'd like to say I got something positive from this experience. Like belief in aphorisms, "live each day to its fullest" or "today is a gift that's why it's called 'the present'". But I did not come away with that, I just feel humble in the face of mortality.

My pal Pauli

Did you ever notice that it’s often in retrospect that you understand why you did something?

In September my partner and I adopted a dog. I found him on www.petfinder.com at The Baja Animal Sanctuary. Originally, I wanted Rocco, but he was already adopted by the time we were ready. Instead they introduced us to another dog with an equally bad-ass mobster type name - Pauli. You know, like Paulie Walnuts from The Sopranos. He’s 10 lbs and probably a Dachsund, Yorkie mix. I don’t want to ruin his tough guy image so I don’t call him a “Dorkie” which would be his hybrid name.

Ah… Pauli. He leapt into my arms when we met. It was love at first sight. And all I could say was, “Yes of course we’ll take him!”

Why that day? Why that moment? Now I know. I didn’t know then. It’s a chaotic world right now, where “change” is the call to action but not as easy as advertised. I just wanted comfort and unconditional love from a small little being. He’s our little clown, a peanut, a little woofer, Mr. Walnuts, Señor Swanky and he calms so many worries that we couldn’t do anything about anyway.

Less Is More

I called my cable company to lower my bill. They told me no can do, BUT, for the same price I now have a DVR. I guess at least they saved me time - and as we know time=money.

Well, that's a cable company and they are monopoly-like. What about in areas where there is competition? In 2009 I have noticed the trend for less is more in two areas.

1. Netbooks. I've read several articles that people buying these lower priced gadgets because they are good enough for things like email and surfing the net. I have one and I like it. Although I suffer a bit because I didn't fork over the money for Windows and got Ubuntu instead. Little did I know that Ubuntu is for people who like to program themselves.

2. McMansions. New houses are getting smaller in America. According to the U.S. Census Bureau the average size of homes started in the third quarter of 2008 was 2,438 square feet, down from 2,629 square feet in the second quarter. Now, compared to other countries in the world this is gargantuan. The average size of a house in France is about 1,100 square feet and I'd love to know what it is in Japan.

I would love more Americans to embrace the less is more mantra. Not just because it saves money but because it just makes sense.

"The Reader" - dark side of humanity

No movie has impacted me more lately, than "The Reader". After seeing the film, I went home and curled up on the couch feeling rather depressed and helpless. My thoughts were dominated by the dark side of humanity and how we can be so easily beguiled by handsome, affable people.

I had just willingly sat through a movie set in 1950's Germany about the sexual abuse of a teenage boy. Why didn't I get up and ask for a refund?

I know that a relationship between a 30 year-old (Hanna) and a 15 year-old (Michael) is wrong and psychologically damaging. But on the screen they look so happy together; and they are an attractive couple; and don't boys want this kind of thing?; and the theater is full of compliant watchers. This can't be wrong.

Later in the last 1960's Hanna is tried for war crimes linked to the Holocaust and is imprisoned. Okay, involvement in the Holocaust is clearly wrong.

I am left with several unanswered questions. How do I recognize right from wrong when it's not clear cut? How do I stop little wrongs from happening so that they don't get bigger? Is it worth the fight? And should I have walked out of that theater and refused to participate in such a story?

Desperational Shopper

I listened to a retail analyst's voicemail on Monday. She said that the U.S. consumer has moved from being 'aspirational' to 'desperational'. That's such a funny word 'desperational'. Her pitch is that in this environment stores like Walmart and Dollar Stores sales should benefit from this shift and Nordstrom and Saks 5th Avenue should suffer.

I wonder how long this shift will last?

For years most Americans have lived beyond their means. Will this current pile of muck change the way we shop as a nation? In the long term no. As soon as consumers have access to credit again we're back to the keeping up with the Jones' lifestyle. Because the drive to attain the American Dream of lots of stuff is bigger than the fear of eating cat food when we're 80.

One of my favorite bumper stickers of all time was "Question Consumption". I thought about buying one and then didn't because it seemed counter to the whole "question consumption" plea.

There's no hope.

I don't believe in hope. The Obama Hope campaign is lost on me.

I was re-reading a favorite book, "When Things Fall Apart" by Pema Chodron, an American Buddhist nun and I know that I am not alone.

Ms. Chodron suggests putting a magnet on the refrigerator that says, "Abandon Hope" instead of another affirmation like, "Every day in every way I'm getting better and better."

I may take her up on her suggestion because to me saying, "give up hope" isn't cynical. Without hope I am personally responsible for my actions and words. Without hope I can let go of things that are changing and let new ideas and things into my life. Without hope I allow myself to be here, now.

I would love to buy into Obama's Hope campaign because it would let me feel more relaxed that good things are one the way. It just feels like a Christian notion of the after life disguised as cutting edge politics.

Allocation v. Accumulation

It's almost December, the time of year I think about giving, and in particular, giving to charities. How much do I give in such a terrible year with what looks like another one on the way?

After putting it down for three months, I've picked up "The Soul of Money" again. It's by Lynn Twist who is an activist and fundraiser for The Hunger Project. She challenges contributors "to be known for what you allocate, not what you accumulate."

She's right. I know she is, because I've just deleted about ten excuses that I wrote trying to refute her statement.

No doubt it's been a tough year, and my accumulated money has taken a beating in the market. Even so, I'll allocate money to good charities like I do every year. If I really feel like I can't afford allocating money, I'll allocate some of my time to make up for the shortfall.

Survival Tactics

This T-Shirt on Threadless.com makes me laugh. I work in an office that is predominately Republican and they are all pissed off that Obama won. And I'm pissed off because surely most of them voted "yes" on Prop 8.

Do I quit?

I'm just going with the aphorism, "The best revenge is living well."

Or I'm gonna go with the lyrics of Billy Dean's song from the 70's

"So let's leave it alone, 'cause we can't see eye to eye.
There ain't no good guys, there ain't no bad guys.
There's only you and me and we just disagree."

Or I'll just hate everyone and keep looking at my co-workers and think, "It was you that wants me dead isn't it?"

Or I'll think of Maya Angelou's poem, "Still I Rise"

"You may write me down in history
With your bitter, twisted lies,
You may trod me in the very dirt
But still, like dust, I'll rise."

Or I'll just think - Everybody poops.

Thousands Protest Prop 8 in San Diego

Big turnout for the Prop 8 Protest today. We walked from Hillcrest to North Park on University Ave. Very much a supportive gayborhood. Next time I hope something is organized in one of the more conservative San Diego County neighborhoods Coronado, La Jolla or Poway

My sign caught a lot of people's attention. Prop 2 passed and gives chickens rights to more leg room. Prop 8 passed and takes AWAY civil rights! Most people laughed when they saw the sign but added that although it's funny, it's sadly true. One lady muttered as she passed by that the chickens aren't free. You're right lady but at least they are moving in the right direction.

Madonna says Obama issues in a New Era


At her concert last night in San Diego, Madonna was jubilant that Barack Obama will be the next president of the United States. She said it is the beginning of a New Era, and asked us all to put our arms around each other and chant, "We are one.".
http://www.youtube.com/madonna

I couldn't drink the kool-aid.

I was glad Obama was elected but sad that when I kept checking the Internet on my cell phone, the Vote on Prop 8 was leaning towards yes. It looks like by a simple majority California will oppress a minority by taking away the right of same-sex couples to marry. Considering her gay following I was surprised that Madonna didn't acknowledge this possible mixed victory.

Sorry Madonna, we can't congratulate ourselves on a New Era yet. We've just projected all our best hopes and dreams on Barack Obama. He's just a man, he's not a savior, like Jesus Christ style. A new day will dawn soon, I'm rolling up my sleeves and getting back to work.

There oughtta NOT be a law


When I was a kid, I'd make sure to read "There Oughtta Be A Law" cartoon in the funnies. I always chuckled because they came up with really silly new laws. Now that I'm expected to vote on 17 new propositions on the California / San Diego ballot, I keep thinking that there "Ought Not Be A Law" makes me laugh more.

Prop 8: There ought NOT be an amendment to the California Constitution. Period.

What's funny - A law disguised as pious but in fact is hypocrytical is funny. Molière's farce, Tartuffe, tackled this subject back in the 1600s.

Prop 4: There ought NOT be a law that requires parental notification if a young woman wants to terminate her pregnancy.

What's funny - Let's call it Sarah's Law and make people so afraid that they won't realize it's an attempt to overturn Rowe v. Wade.

Prop 2: There ought NOT be a law that animals must be free-range.

What's funny - If passed just think of the training class of people who are hired to enforce it. Consumers should demand that their 'protein' be free-range and only buy from producers who certify it.

"Unjust laws exist: shall we be content to obey them, or shall we endeavor to amend them, and obey them until we have succeeded, or shall we transgress them at once?"

- Thoreau

Dealing With The Devil
Like everyone else I've received dozens of political mailings for the November election. Today was a little different though, because in this mailing (cover to the right) I was made mention as a "special interest" and given a very devilish manicure. I suppose I am pictured shaking Stephen Whitburn's hand.

The inside of the flyer lists 32 donors as "special interests" with their last names blacked out. I have no idea why I made the list. I guess because I am an investment analyst and I gave $540 to Stephen's campaign. I certainly am not a special interest, and I am offended that no one contacted me to ask what favors I am expecting from Stephen.

You know if I were the devil, I'd be insulted if someone made a deal with me for $540. Come on! No self respecting American soul would cave for less than $1 million net.

Which reminds me -
"Not incorrectly they had advised me to use the long spoon if I went to dine with the devil. Unfortunately on those rare occasions the only one available was short."
Eugenio Montale

2009 Skinny Cow Year

A woman I know sold her business last year that she had run for over 20 years. When asked if it was successful she said, "Well, there were some fat cow years and some skinny cow years."

2009 looks like it will be a skinny cow year because of the banking crisis. The good news is that for most americans this means driving a Ford Escort instead of a BMW. Having basic cable not HBO. Prepaid cell phones instead of unlimited minutes.

I'm not callous towards those who are suffering from this turmoil. I'm just trying to put this into perspective so I don't go crazy. Day after day the market goes down and the media has cited the Great Depression so many times that even I am getting scared. I'm pretty sure that during the Great Depression most americans were saving string and tin foil and probably had three sets of clothes, two sets of everyday clothes and one set of Sunday best.

Jane Bryant Quinn said, "I wish you every increase, but if the gods frown there are worse things in life than stepping down."

America will be fine - the skinny cow will get fat again. In the mean time I'll cut back on media in my diet.

vegetarian again

The last time I was a vegetarian I was in my mid-twenties. It wasn't because I was health conscious or an animal lover; I had no money and thus cut out meat from my diet in order to pay the rent. Now, fifteen years later I am again on the vegetarian track. I simply feel better when I don't eat meat. This isn't going to be easy because 1. I love the taste of a big fat juicy red steak. 2. After a while I simply forget that the reason I feel good is because I'm not eating meat.

Just yesterday, I was driving and preaching the goodness of fruits and vegetables, and simultaneously as we drove by the hamburger chain "Farmer Boys" I thought to myself, "Hey, maybe we could go there for lunch."

Financial Hegemonists

You might think that the news on two hedge funds Amaranth and Pirate Capital doesn't matter to the average person, but I think it does.

Even though they are called Hedge funds, they don't have to "hedge" anything. Many of them make a lot of money by borrowing most of it and speculating on price movements in stocks or commodities. It matters because the bull market has attracted a lot of hedge funds to open. They are pretty much unregulated, so anyone who can attract “sophisticated” investors and borrow money can set up shop.

At least in financial markets, human nature moves between the feelings and actions of “fear” and “greed”. In this cycle “fear” was in mid-2002 when we had the scary Enron and Worldcom debacles and the invasion of Iraq and recently, we hit “greed” when oil reached about $80/ barrel. Now that oil is at $62 /barrel, I’m pretty sure we are now starting back towards “fear”.

Simple example 1:
In Mid-2002 the market is at “fear”.
Hedge fund buys $1 million of stock X and borrows $4 million to buy more of X. The stock increases 30% and because of the borrowed money there’s a 150% return on a $1 million investment. WOW!! “Sophisticated” investors flock to invest in the hedge fund.

Simple example 2:
Late 2006 the market is at “greed”
Hedge fund buys $1 billion of stock Y and borrows $4 billion more to invest in stock Y. Whoops...stock Y goes down 30% and because of the borrowed funds they've lost the $1 billion investment and can’t repay the $ 4 billion loan in full. It’s a 150% loss. HOLY COW!! Margin calls and screams of, "Get my money out of that fund!”

You can imagine that a fund can be a lot more nimble if it needs to sell $5 million of stock in a bull market than if it needs to sell $5 billion in a bear market. The problem is that no one really knows how many other hedge funds opened and decided to make the same exact bet that stock Y would go up. If everyone who borrowed a lot of money made the same bet that stock Y would go up and goes down 30%then we are all in trouble.

Now, imagine a similar scenario but just substitute “home buyers” for “hedge funds”. If too many people have placed the same bet counting on home price appreciation, then we’re all in trouble. I suspect we’ll all find out the answer in about 3 to 6 months.

Alaska - the last frontier

When I used to think about Alaska, I thought about a beautiful rugged state. The license plates read: The Last Frontier. This moniker makes sense because after all, even in the most inhabitable part of Alaska (southeast), there’s 6 months of snow, 5 ½ hours between sunrise and sunset on Winter Solstice and about 12 feet of rain a year. Come on! It's rugged since only about 650,000 hardy people live in an area that is about one third the size of the continental U.S.

So, I decided to take a rugged cruise. Now, I am now one of those 600,000 + people who took a cruise to the Last Frontier this summer. It’s a rigorous lifestyle that includes: sleeping in shifts - 8 hours at night and a nap during the day, eating – grueling dinners, painstaking trips to the nacho bar, countless souvenir shops and best of all – endless beautiful vistas.

My favorite town was Sitka and my favorite vista was the Hubbard Glacier where we stayed 2 hours and watched sheaths of ice crack then break-off and plunge into the bay to form icebergs.

The Inside Passage in Alaska is just like seeing the tip of an iceberg; it looks so tiny on the map. Maybe next time (when I’m in shape), I’ll explore the more frontiery parts of Alaska.